i sat there on that pile for hours
the room was spinning
the ground was geting closer
closer
closer
closer
next thing i know im at home
2 days later
they found me with a broken nose
face down in my own blood
they asked what happened
why did this happen
he disrespected me so
i showed him what happens to people who do
such things to me or the people i care about
turns out it wasent just him
there were 4 of them
2 were in the hosiptal for 3 days after
1 ran before it started
the last one will never do what he did again
cause he will get whats comeing to him
and this is the price of growing up to fast
i never thought i would end up looseing so much
so young
f*** this sh**
what should i do to make this better?
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I think you should add more details.
ReplyDeleteYou seem very angry, and that's making it really blunt. Add imagery to it some more, and try not to tell us. Show your audience how you felt when this happened, and that will get rid of some of the choppiness and ad some flow.
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